


Like It's a Bad Thing

by sbarmarj



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awesome Pepper Potts, BAMF Maria Hill, BAMF Melinda May, Bechdel Test Pass, Darcy Lewis is not a basic bitch, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-03-21 00:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3671157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbarmarj/pseuds/sbarmarj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I love it when you call me a bitch...<br/>Like it's a bad thing.</p><p>Maria Hill, Peggy Carter, Melinda May, Darcy Lewis, and Pepper Potts will not be underestimated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/gifts).



> So Tielan posted to her dreamwidth that she wished she could make a fanvid for Maria and the women of the MCU to Halestorm's "You Call me a Bitch Like its Bad Thing." Vids are not in my skill set at all, but I started thinking about the lyrics and Maria Hill and this happened.
> 
> You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing,  
> You call me a freak like that means something.  
> You can't get your way so you're so pissed off!  
> I think you know the rest:  
> But get it off your chest!  
> I don't give a shit.  
> I love it when you call me a bitch...  
> Like it's a bad thing.

“You’re use to being top-dog.”

“Even the bitches?”

Maria doesn’t move. She knows how to hold her body in an at ease pose, but her eyes slide to the right, over the man smiling smugly next to her, and settle on the man who muttered quietly under his breath. Maria heard him clearly though, and the other woman in their advance hand-to-hand class probably did too.

The instructor continued, “You will face all types of opponents as a SHEILD agent. Don’t under estimate them. Its your funeral if you do.”

The instructor paused to look at his clipboard and called out, “Jameson!”

The mutterer stepped forward. He had the forearms of a brawler and a nose that knew how to take a hit. Maria was ready to step forward, as soon as the instructor asked for a volunteer.

“May!”

Maria let out the breath she hadn’t realized that she was holding and fought to keep her disappoint contained. She had wanted to hit him, even if it meant losing.

The other woman stepped forward and onto the practice mat. She was from a different training group and Maria knew only the most superficial things: Chinese, mid-twenties, and the smallest trainee in this class.

Jameson joined May on the mat. It was May who looked to the instructor and asked for the rules.

“Don’t kill him or bore me to death.”

“Yes sir.”

As May spoke Jameson lashed out with brutal right jab. May lithely side-stepped the punch. She gracefully stayed away from Jameson as he lumbered towards her.

Right before he could force her into a corner, she easily rolled past him and was on her feet by the time he turned around. She dodged Jameson’s wild left hook and twisted into his reach.

With an ease that made the whole thing look choreographed, May hooked her right foot behind his knee, struck the heel of her left palm into his solar plexus, and curled her right arm around his neck. In the blink of an eye, she had Jameson pinned to the ground, immobile, and in an absolute chokehold.

The instructor grunted, but May pulled harder until Jameson slapped the mat.

May released him and strode off the mat. She paused just long enough to tip her head to Maria before she took her place back in the line of trainees.

It was the instructor who went over and offered his hand to Jameson.

“As I was saying, you will face all types of opponents as SHIELD agents, including bitches. Don’t underestimate them.”

*****

“It’s a reminder that most misogynists are rather uncreative.”

Maria turned and nodded at Director Carter. “Of course, ma’am.”

“Sorry. I’m late. Budget meeting.”

Carter walked over to the desk, and sat. The only deference to her age that Maria noticed was that she moved slowly and with the deliberate intention of someone trying to minimize stress to old injuries. Carter gestured for Maria to take one of the chairs across from her.

Maria started to move towards the chairs, but looked back once more at the old Strategic Scientific Reserve name-plate. It was tarnished with age, but that did little to hide that it had been defaced. Maria could easily read the word bitch that had been scratched over agent so Peggy Carter’s name card read “Bitch Margaret Carter.”

When Maria didn’t say anything else, Director Carter sighed slightly. “Well, I was warned you were polite.”

“Ma’am?”

“Phil thinks we will do well together, but you won’t do me much good as an assistant or last long with SHIELD if you are taken aback by a little name calling.”

“Its not that ma’am.”

“Well go on, then.”

“It looks like someone tried to buff out ‘bitch,’ and I don’t understand. You don’t seem bothered by the title.”

“Phil said you were sharp. My husband Daniel believed in showing others certain courtesies. My best advice for a good marriage is to marry a kind, strong man.”

Maria nodded because she wasn’t sure what to say.

“You aren’t here to get my advice on marriage. If you take this position people will call you bitch and worse."

“They already do.”

*****

“What are we doing here again?”

Maria looked around the Cambridge bar and took a long sip of her lager while she waited for May to answer.

The beer was priced just high enough to discourage undergrads, but close enough to campus that grad students and fellows kept it in business. Maria fit in well enough in her jeans old Notre Dame sweatshirt, but May with her leather jacket and worn motorcycle boots looked slightly out of place.

“I’m on a mission. You are along for the ride.”

“This is not what I meant when I called and asked if you wanted to get a drink before my next assignment.”

“You said it had to be today, I needed to come here, and we have drinks.”

“Field agent logic.” Maria was able to keep herself from sounding envious, but it was a close thing.

“Where are you going to be this time?”

“It really doesn’t make a difference. I never leave my desk and my last three offices have been interchangeable even if they were all on different continents.”

May rolled her eyes with expert precision at Maria’s self pity.

“I am the new liaison to the CIA’s Chinese Bureau chief.”

May had been about to take a sip of her beer, but stopped and put her glass down. “What have you heard about the chief?”

“According to Rumlow she is a total bitch.” Since they were nominally two friends getting a drink, Maria continued, “He is an ass.”

“You’ll like her. She also thinks Rumlow is an ass.”

May had the better view of the door, so Maria didn’t see who entered, but she noticed as soon as May’s attention shifted from their conversation to the door. Maria casually turned on her barstool so that her view included the bar and the handsome African-American man that May was focusing on.

“Did you ever say if this mission was for business or pleasure?”

*****

Maria followed Darcy into the front room of Starks’ floor of labs. Maria had never actually been allowed his far into Tony’s inner sanctum before.

“Tony. Tony! TONY!” Darcy appeared to be following a set routine. The volume of her voice rose each time she called his name, and the lab’s sound-system increased the volume of the metal band playing.

“ANOTHY EDWARD STARK I AM TELLING PEPPER IF YOU DO NOT APPEAR IN TWENTY SECONDS! AND TURN DOWN THIS MUSIC!”

The music immediately quieted.

“Thanks, Mr. J.”

“Of course, Miss D. Sir wishes me to inform you that he is conducting a very delicate experiment and will be out as soon as he can.”

“Three minutes, and then I storm his castle and take no prisoners.”

Darcy literally twiddled her thumbs while she waited for Jarvis to respond.

“I have informed sir. He says that you and Deputy Director Hill may join him in his private lab.”

“Great!” Darcy stomped farther into the lab. “So how’d you become a SHIELD agent.”

“I stopped an assassination attempt and military coup d’état in Mardipoor while I was on leave.”

“Seriously?”

“How did you become…whatever it is you do?”

“My preferred title is scientist wrangler and I tazed Thor. Well that and I buy the pop tarts.”

“I see.”

Darcy opened the last door and gestured for Maria to go first. As soon as she entered, Maria saw Steve Rogers standing in the center of the room in his underwear with several different colored lights washing over him.

“Cap, you totally rock the tidy whities.” Darcy didn’t seem to find the whole thing odd and she certainly studied the scene and Captain Rogers.

Maria willed herself to meet Rogers’ eyes. “Captain. I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Uh. Stark is measuring me for a new suit.” Maria tried to ignore the blush that was blooming across Steve’s face and creeping down his neck.

“What are you doing here Deputy Dominatrix Hill?”

“We were supposed to have a meeting about SI’s contributions to rebuilding New York.”

“I thought that was on Tuesday.”

“Dude, today is Tuesday. I told you that three times already.” Darcy’s voice was laced with a level of annoyance that Maria shared but would never express.

“What are you doing here?” Tony seemed to register for the first time that Darcy had been the one to bring Maria to the lab.

“I need you to sign these.” Darcy pushed a stack of papers riddled with neat flags to let him know where to sign under Tony’s nose.

“Bitch, I don’t sign things. I have Pepper for that.”

“Yo. Douche. First, Pepper is busy being awesome and running your empire. Second, I am not your basic bitch. Sign or I am removing all the coffee from this entire building.”

Darcy added a pen to the pile of papers.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me. And remember: I am not your basic bitch.”

*****

Maria Hill knew what would happen when Natasha released all of SHIELD’s files. She had never deluded herself into think that people said pleasant things about her, but she knew that the things they said behind her back were still said only within the confines of SHIELD.

So her father read that the assistant director in charge of South America thought she was bitch because she refused to promote him to the London office. She really didn’t care. Her father had called her a bitch and worse already.

What she hadn’t been expecting was that the senior senator from Tennessee would quote that particular email while questioning her during the senate hearing on SHIELD’s fall. Somehow being called a bitch and accused of treason in the same breath made the slur sting for the first time in years.

Maria could still feel the burn on the flight back to New York. It was not as fresh by the time she made it to Stark Tower, and she knew it would be a scar that she carried, but not one that was heavy when she walked into her office and saw a massive arrangement of purple orchids on her desk.

The card was easy to spot and Maria took a moment to appreciate the smooth texture and rich weight of the stationary before she opened it and read—

_I love it when you call me a bitch..._  
_Like it's a bad thing._

_-Pepper_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I've never loved the section with Darcy in the last chapter. I love Darcy, and I was going for a slight screw ball tone, but I don't think it works as well with the other four scenes. And, this morning I realized I wish that I had written this scene instead. Its a pretty unedited drabble...but I figured I should post it since I wrote it.

“You’re sure?” Maria asked. If she had a written report, she would have reviewed it once more, but the information was too sensitive to be preserved anywhere other than Nat’s brain. Instead she tapped her pencil once on her desk and ignored the gentle hum of the signal disruptors she had turned on for this briefing.

Natasha nodded, “You should’ve sent me in the first place. Bitches get shit done.”

Maria sighed. Natasha was annoyed with her decision clearly. “We needed you in Hong Kong more.” 

It was the only reason that Maria had sent Mitchell. She didn’t think he could manage the mission, even though he was a good agent and had the right skill set. It was a bad call, but most of Maria’s life right now was a series of choosing between bad and worse. 

Natasha’s blank stare was response enough. 

“I know,” Maria let some her frustration color her tone. “But, this wasn’t a Level 10 priority before.” Now with the information Natasha just gave her, this brewing storm was their biggest priority. 

“Who are you sending to the Lemurian Star?”

“You, of course. We need this shit handled.”


End file.
